图像
当她还是个小女孩的时候 growing up in Cleveland, Ohio, Tara Well got an early glimpse of her future by peering at a toaster. 闪亮的镀铬表面是第一面镜子, and her fascination with her reflection was a sign of big things to come. She would become an acclaimed personality psychologist with a particular focus on self-reflection. 她的新书， Mirror Meditation: The Power of Neuroscience and Self-Reflection to Overcome Self-Criticism, 获得信心, 用同情心看待自己讲述了面对镜子中的自己的力量.
自2022年6月上映以来, the book has helped to further elevate the media profile of the Barnard associate professor of psychology. 有一个 拥有200万读者的博客 和一个 TEDx演讲有近20万的浏览量，她出现在 特雷弗·诺亚每日秀 last year in a mock-documentary-style segment on the importance of small talk.
“这很有趣。. I mean, I knew I was just going to be the straight woman for that,” says Well. She also presented her observations on the importance of small talk and how the pandemic has eroded society’s social skills at a 十大电竞游戏综合排名 staff event in February, a的一部分 名为Pro Tip的系列.
为什么把重点放在闲聊上? 正如Well解释的那样, 与他人交谈, 面对面的, is another important reflective experience: “Being reflected occurs naturally during 面对面的 conversations. We need these reflections from others to affirm our sense of self, 帮助我们调节情绪, 并与他人进行社会协调.在书中, Well demonstrates how facing ourselves in actual mirrors is a powerful way to better know 和一个ccept ourselves.
The impetus to include mirror work in her studies started with a serendipitous moment — a glance at her own reflection. 她被自己的发现吓了一跳:悲伤.
“I was looking really sad and kind of distressed,” she says. “我没有意识到我有这种感觉. So I started to meditate with a mirror mainly to help me get more in touch with my emotions because I felt that there was a gap between what I was feeling inside and what was showing on my face. 影响是巨大的. I decided to do some mirror-gazing experiments where I had other people do it and report to me what they discovered.”
Many of Well’s research subjects discovered deeper levels of self-awareness, 由此产生了自我同情. 当你的自言自语是消极的时候，看着自己的脸, 甚至是残忍的, can spark a realization of the pain you’re inflicting on yourself.
为什么我们如此自我批评? In her book, Well explains that “negativity is an attention magnet.” The human mind is hard-wired to look for problems because we need to devote more attention and cognitive resources to potential problems. Our minds are predisposed to look for problems because they can indicate threats and possible danger.
“由于进化和社会化的结合, our criticisms of the image we see in the mirror usually pertain to the three main topics: old, 脂肪, 丑陋的,她写道。. 在一个崇尚年轻人的社会里, 苗条美丽, these assessments can cut deeply and distort self-perception. Well’s approach — facing one’s worst critic in the mirror — seeks to heal the psychological wound and foster self-kindness and self-knowledge.
Well’s path from her childhood home in Cleveland to Barnard was very much a work of claiming her identity despite external perceptions. As the adopted child of parents who did not attend college, she ran up against limiting expectations.
“坦率地说，我甚至不知道有十大电竞游戏综合排名这样的地方. I grew up being told that I wasn’t smart enough to go to college and I should go ahead and get a job while learning some kind of skill, like being a hairdresser or working in a hospitality field. 去上大学，然后继续深造，拿到博士学位.D. 就像是对我的根的一种反叛，”Well.
She became fascinated with psychology and was driven to learn more and more, 这让她开始研究人格. 但在命运的转折中, 自我发现, 以及科学的洞察力, 后来，她继续寻找自己的亲生父母. 结果他们都是大学教授. 她的生父是一位心理学教授，现已退休. Her own journey closely paralleled the professional lives of her biological parents.
“It’s interesting because I saw so many similarities,” she says. “I’ve been studying and teaching personality psychology at Barnard for the past 25 years. And one of the core questions is always looking at the contribution of environmental factors and learning factors and how they shape personality and then genetic factors and how they shape personality too. 所以这是一个非常有趣的实验.”
她敦促她的学生, 读者, 让听众自己做实验, and she outlines specific steps to forming a mirror meditation practice to confront and heal self-criticism, 自拍和社交媒体成瘾, 和焦虑.
“I believe the mirror is one of the most valuable tools we have today,她在接近尾声的时候说 ted演讲. “Taking a few minutes to gaze into your own eyes can calm you 和一个waken your kindness. Imagine what the world would be like if we took the time to see ourselves and each other with unwavering clarity and compassion.”
乔·安德森插图
相关文章
Boylan takes the helm of the nation’s foremost free speech organization
